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The Conversation Podcast with Roxanne Grace
The Conversation Podcast with Roxanne Grace
Hallie Day | The Conversation Ep. 57
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Don’t miss my conversation with Hallie Day from season 11 of American Idol. She captivated millions with her incredible voice, but behind the music was a hidden battle with addiction and mental health challenges. On this episode Hallie pulls back the curtain and shares her journey from isolation to freedom. She shares about the reality of the struggle, her journey of faith and what it looks like to really cry out to God for help.
Hosted by Roxanne Grace, The Conversation is an interview show discussing music, faith and issues of the day with influencers, artists, entertainers and more.
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I'm Roxanne Grace, the host of the conversation. Today I am chatting with Hallie Day from season 11 of American Idol. You don't want to miss it, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the conversation. Today I am joined by a truly remarkable guest whose voice you might recognize for the national stage of American Idol, season 11. Her name is Hallie Day. While millions fell in love with her talent, her most powerful story isn't about fame. It's about the fierce, redeeming grace of God. After surviving a season of deep darkness, addiction, and brokenness, she found true healing, sobriety, and a restored life through a journey of faith. In today's episode, you're gonna hear her raw, honest journey through deep challenges, showing us what true resilience looks like through faith. And no matter what trials you might be facing in your own life right now, you're gonna be deeply inspired and filled with fresh hope. Let's go ahead and dive in.
SPEAKER_00How are you doing, girl? I am so good. I'm so excited to do this with you. It's so good to hear your voice.
SPEAKER_01We always begin the this podcast with a series of personality type questions. Okay. So I'm gonna ask you four or five kind of icebreaker personality type questions. Don't think too hard about them. Just respond whatever comes to your mind first. Are you ready?
SPEAKER_00I'm ready.
SPEAKER_01Okay. First question What is your favorite pizza topping?
SPEAKER_00Oh, ham and pineapple. I'm a ham and pineapple girl.
SPEAKER_01Hey. Yeah. All right. Even in the phone. I picked two. Well, they kind of go together.
SPEAKER_00They go together. They have to go together. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So that's awesome. Okay. Next question. If you could instantly master any language, what would it be?
SPEAKER_00Um, it would be French. Hey.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_00Uh, because I took it in school and never mastered it. And I think it's beautiful. I think it's a beautiful language. And uh yeah, I oh my gosh, I would love to just I honestly any language. I would that's like a bucket listing for me. That's something I want to do at some point in my life. Is master a language, any language, Spanish would be cool too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What emoji best describes your personality?
SPEAKER_00Okay, the the one where it's like, ah, I can't do this anymore. I know I know everyone's gonna know what I'm talking about. I use that one constantly, probably multiple times a day, because that's me. I can't do this anymore.
SPEAKER_01That's the one that is a real response. Okay. You were on season 11 of American Idol, and you were eliminated just before the top 13, which is absolutely incredible. In your opinion, what was the coolest thing about that experience?
SPEAKER_00I would say the live the live show. I mean, I only did two live shows, but being there in front of that crowd, and they're all just American Idol fans, so they're all just so excited to be there, and they were the most supportive, incredible crowd, and that was um that was that was really fun. And then okay, I'm gonna say one more thing. Also, being able to work with the top professionals in the industry on everything, like whether they staged you, styled you, um, vocal coaches, like you're just working with the best of the best, and that was something that made that experience really cool.
SPEAKER_01You know, I I've always had questions about when people are on American Idol. Do you get to choose your outfits? I mean, do they give you like a whole bunch of outfits to choose from? You kind of go with what is your personality or the mood for the song? How does that work, or does somebody choose the outfits for you?
SPEAKER_00So once you get to the top 13, and that in that season it was the top 13. You work with a stylist and they have like a big dressing room where they select all everything for you. Before then, like when I was doing it, I picked my own outfits, but you had to get them approved. And then you would go to the stylist, and then she would kind of like embellish a little bit and she would switch a few things, like she, you know, lent me a blazer that I could wear for my performance and would put some jewelry on, and then you go to hair and makeup. So you're not they're not choosing it for you, it's kind of like a team effort.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yeah, and this is totally not part of the personality questions. This is just my own curiosity. Oh my gosh, ask whatever you want. Yeah. All right. Next question, kind of switching gears here in the personality questions, bringing it back. Hallie, I know that you hear the voice of the Lord often and in so many different ways. But if you could hear the audible voice of God today, what would you ask him?
SPEAKER_00Oh man, what an intense question. Yeah, I mean, I would I would really just ask him, Am I on the right path? I and and I think that, you know, I I know that answer, but I think there's so many times where we feel like we hear the audible voice of God or we sense him leading us and then we question it. And I think so many times we question it when we take our focus off of him. Um, but I I just like if there's anything I long for in this life, it's just that closeness and that intimacy with him and wanting to know that I'm on the right path, I'm making him proud, and I'm walking in his will for my life. And think that's like something that I've just always craved and all of us crave is to know like, am I in the, am I in your plan? Am I in the in the will, your perfect will for my life? So I think that's what I would really just want to know. And too, like, am I in the right path? Am I am I chasing down the right things? Am I doing what it is that you're asking of? Or am I chasing after my own agenda? Because our own agenda and our pride wants to get in the way every minute of every day.
SPEAKER_01I think that's probably the most popular response that we've heard here on the conversation. So many of us from the deepest part of our being, we desire to be in the perfect will of God. And God knows that. The Bible says that people look at the way we look, people look at our appearance, but God is looking at our heart. And I think that's why we know we can stay in his will. Because he knows that we desire to stay in his will and he helps us. You know, I like to remember that he's God, he's our Lord. I don't think that we can mess things up as easily as we think we can when we truly desire to follow him as our Lord and to be in his will. And I just find comfort in knowing that he's so much bigger than we are, so much greater, so much bigger than us in our failures and our mistakes. And he's already factored in our stupidity, the silly, like terrible decisions that we make. And you know, the Bible says a righteous person falls seven times, but they get back up. He helps us get back up. If you mess up, you fall down. Allow him to help you back up and get back on that right path. And yes, I agree with you, Hallie. That's a beautiful, beautiful response to want to be in his perfect will. There's no greater place to be. And he sees that desire in your heart. Yeah, let's switch gears. Hallie, you and I have been friends for years. You know, I just love that Jesus. You're amazing. We we used to do lives, Instagram lives together. Those were incredible. We we've saw so many people come to know Jesus through those lives. And when I think of you, Hallie, I I just I think of you as just this godly, beautiful, very talented uh friend of mine. And I know that life has not always been easy for you. And I think a lot of people wouldn't even they wouldn't even believe that. I mean, they look at you, you're definitely, you know, shining with the light of the Lord, you're beautiful inside and outs. Let's talk about your past. Can you take us back? I know you were an addict from a very young age. What was it like for you growing up?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, addiction gripped me really young. And um, I was 11 when I started drinking when I had my first drink, and really got that feeling of that buzz and how good it can make you feel, and how easily it can make you escape. And um, shortly after I got into drugs, and by the time I was 15, I dropped out of high school. And by the time I was 17, I uh attempted suicide. I was um a chronic cutter, um, lots of uh self-mutil mutilation and self-harm. And I before I think, you know, my brain had even fully developed, I had become a severe addict and I had grown up in addiction. And addiction is something that has been running rampant in my family for generations, honestly. So I it wasn't until my twenties, until I met my husband, where I really even realized what a problem it was. That's I think part of addiction is you it's just you're normal and it's part of your life. And when you try to cut one addiction, it just rears its ugly head in another addiction. And that was my problem. I just like bounced around from addiction to addiction. And the saddest part was I was saved when I was a little girl and I loved the Lord from the time I was young and had this sweet relationship with him. But addiction really took hold of me and uh distracted me from that. So throughout all of my addiction, I still knew that he was there. I still knew that he was my God. I definitely was saved, but like I was just like white knuckling my way through the Christian life, basically. And when I got pregnant and had my daughter, that was the first time that I had experienced sobriety. And um, and I wish I could tell you, oh, you know, that's when it all changed for me. And after that, I was good and I wasn't an addict again. But the sad part is until you really allow God, until you really allow Jesus to get to the root of the addiction, um, it's just it's gonna keep cycling its way through your life. And unfortunately, that's what happened to me. And even though I was involved in ministry in my 20s and my 30s, and I was singing on stage and I was writing worship songs and all that kind of stuff, I still was struggling with addiction and I still was struggling with secret sin. And um, you know, this there's this. I'm I'm sorry, I'm trailing off a little bit, but I there's this verse that's been a life verse for me, and it's James 1, 2, consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kind, because the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And it was during the darkest times in my life that I thought God had abandoned me and I had gone too far for his love and for his grace. But it was actually those were wake-up calls for me. Every time I ran into a brick wall, which was many times and it continue to be many times, um, God used those times in my life to completely strip me down and draw me back to himself. And he did that a couple of years ago again, after you know, years of attempting ministry, attempting being, you know, a worship leader and all these things, but trying to do it out of my power and not his. And he really stripped me down and woke me up. And that's when I really like got ministry on my heart and God really got a grip of me and was like, okay, it's time to face your addictions, like it's time to face the monsters inside and go to the root of the issue, which was really that I was trying to kill pain and I was trying to search for significance and I was trying to search for purpose. I was trying to search for all these things that I already had in him. And when he brought me back to that simplicity, which it was the hardest time in my life by far, I because I'll just be totally honest, like because of neurotic eating and uh depression and addiction and substance abuse, I had gotten to the point where I had, I was like filled with kidney stones. And one of them got um completely embedded and infected. And it was like the most painful experience I've ever been through. It was more painful than natural childbirth. And the recovery was a long time because I had to get surgery and I had really messed my body up. But the hardest part of it all was that I had brought it on myself and I knew it when I was going through it. I knew it was like I had finally hit that wall. And it was the one of the hardest things I've ever been through because I put my family through so much. But God used it in this incredible, miraculous way. And like after that, like my relationship with the Lord became so much stronger because I could do nothing but surrender. I was so helpless and I was so ashamed of what I had let my life become. And God just woke me up. And that verse, James 1, 2, consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of any kind. Like I realized that I was exactly where God had wanted me to be and that he had allowed it. And like you said, you cannot escape God's will for your life. You can go in and out of it, but he's already factored in all of our horrible choices. And I just I love how he just takes like the most, the messiest stories of our life and turns them into the most beautiful. And I know I'm carrying on here, but like this is this is my message that I want people to know that it does not matter how far they've gone, God is going to use it. And he does his best work out of disasters. And that I feel like my life is such a testament to that. And especially if you've been saved your whole life, like you have that shame because you know how you should be living, but you just can't seem to get yourself out of that rut. You can't get yourself out of that cycle. And I just want people to know to like have faith and have some hope and some joy that he's gonna use every dark moment of your life. And he's done that for me. And I really felt like, you know, American Idol was a long time ago, and I really felt like, you know, I'd I'd run out of time and I'd used up all of my chances. And it's like God loves when you get to that point because he's like, oh, this is when I do my best work, and I feel like my life is such an example of that.
SPEAKER_01You know, oh, girl, so many questions for you. There's so many questions popping through my brain. And I feel like you're touching on most of them, but I want to dive a little bit deeper. You know, you you just said you felt like you were running out of time. And you know, what would you say to the person listening right now that that thinks it's too late for them?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I would say that I felt like that when I was 30 years old because the the ministry, the, the, the music industry, you know, you're peeking at like 25, right? That's how it was when I was growing up, like Britney Spears and Christine Aguilar, they were all like 16 years old when they were at their height of fame. So at 30 years old, I thought, oh my gosh, like I've really run out of time. Here's what I want to say: I'm almost 40 now, I'm 39. If I can't imagine if God had allowed me success at 30 years old, because I have so much more value to give now, just be and it's not me, it's not value coming from me. It's all of the things that the Lord has walked me through, the empathy that I have for people that are going through things, the humility I have because I know what a mess I am and how desperate I am for him. And when I was 30, I was really trying to do it out of my own strength. And when I was on American Idol when I was 23, like it was God's protection that I did not make it when I was 23, because I would have fallen on my face and I would have inevitably led others down the same path. So everything that God brings you through and every year that goes by, I've always felt like, oh my gosh, another year wasted. No, like it's another year of walking with the Lord, another year of wisdom, another year of watching him do miracles in your life and other people's life. So it's like I at this point, I imagine myself as like a little like 85, 90-year-old woman, if the Lord blesses me to live that long, where I'm just like have this closeness with him and I've walked with him my whole life. Like that is the secret. That is the value that we have, is that closeness with the Lord. And unfortunately, it takes time. It takes time. Like every every amazing thing that he did in the Bible and every great man of God, it was years of walking in the wilderness. It was years of quiet or years of the thorn in the flesh. Like nothing happened overnight.
SPEAKER_01It's true. Really, it's seasons of preparation before the fulfillment, and we all have those seasons.
SPEAKER_00You know what I'm saying? And like listening to the Old Testament and the stories in the Bible is like really made me realize that like we're talking 30, 40, 50, 100 years. Like God did incredible things in in the life of Moses when he was like 130 years old. So God is God is moving, God is going to use you for as long as you're willing. And I think for me, I really had to get out of that entertainment mindset. Oh, I'm not 25 year old, I have nothing to give. Oh my gosh. Like, I have so much more to give now at 39 than I did in my 20s, just because of walking, walking with the Lord. So he's never finished writing your story.
SPEAKER_01We're taking a break from the conversation for an Oceanhouse Music.com distribution 30 second spotlights. This week's spotlight is on a song titled I Will Lead by Jake McAdam and Diana Trout.
SPEAKER_02And I show you how much pay.
SPEAKER_01Hallie, how long have you been sober now?
SPEAKER_00You go you go from one addiction to another. But there's always something that you can fall back into. So, really, for me, if I'm being completely honest, it's been since I had that issue with the kidney stones because my walk has been, you know, maybe I'll have a couple years of sobriety and then I will fall back into something. And it wasn't until I really admitted to myself, okay, I can't do this on my own. I'm completely desperate for you, and I'm sick of living in secret sin and I'm sick of living in shame. And I'm gonna actually really trust you. Like, like it's been a dream of mine my whole life since I was a little girl, to be 100% sober, to not ever want to drink, to not ever want a hit of anything, to not ever want a cigarette, no vaping. Like it's been a dream of mine to live that way and not have those cravings. And I think one thing I've realized about addiction is that that that like that love for those things is never actually going to go away. But the peace that you get from living in obedience to God and when He releases those chains around your neck, it is like the biggest high I have ever experienced of my life. When I'm around it, like and I know it's right there in front of me and I have access to it and I say, oh wow, like I don't want that. That is what I'm experiencing now and have in the past couple of years. And that's something I've never experienced in my life. And it, I feel like a walking miracle. Like I literally feel like a walking miracle. And especially, you know, like going back to my grandparents and my and my parents, like growing up in addiction, like I'm realizing it's so hard because I do believe in generational curses and I do believe I was born into those things. And I just came to a point where my daughter is the same age now. She's 11 years old, and she's the same age now. And I started using. And I just I begged God on my knees. I'm like, I do not want her to struggle with these things. I don't want this to be a fight for her. I don't want this to be a thought for her. And I just knew that it was time for me to release it. And it took a while, honestly, for God to answer that prayer just because of the person that I was and the deep things in my heart. But in this, in these last couple of years, he he has answered those prayers and he has released those chains. And if you're listening to this right now and you feel like it's never gonna happen for you and you're just going from one addiction to another, I just want you to have hope that it is going to happen for you and it can happen for you. I don't know why it takes so long sometimes for us to really be ready to rid ourselves of the addictions, but I thought I was gonna struggle with this for the rest of my life and God has replaced it. And it's like there's no going back for me. Like the peace and the clarity that I have and the victory that I feel that I feel like God has given me, there's no going back. And if he can do it for me, I know that he can do it for you.
SPEAKER_01Amen and amen. Hallie, God has done so much in your mental health recovery. Uh, and we know it's not easy. I mean, it could it could be a daily walk, but what practical or spiritual habits did you have to form to start replacing, you know, suicidal thoughts with God's truth?
SPEAKER_00That's such a good question. I think the biggest one is that in our Christian walk, or if you're new to knowing God, or maybe you've been a Christian your whole life, you feel like you have to get yourself to a certain point in order to approach God. You feel like you have to be a better person. You have to get, oh, I'm gonna start going to church when I start living right. And it's really the opposite like bring God into the darkest places in your life and bring him into the addiction. When you are at your lowest. Point and you feel like you're too far gone, that is the place where you're the most desperate for God. He already sees everything that you do and he hears every thought that you have. So you're not keep, you're not hiding anything from God. And I think here on this earth, this physical earth, you know, our world does work like that. We have to show our best version of ourselves. A lot of times, unfortunately, with our family, our friends, our parents, our spouses, we feel like we have to show them the best version of ourselves. So of course, in our relationship with God, we think that we have to approach it that way, but it's actually the opposite because God already sees the mess that you are and he already knows how your life is going to turn out. And he's the one that created you with all of your beautiful quirkiness. So he already knows exactly who you are and how you are. So you can bring him into that. I feel like when I stopped hiding from God and I stopped thinking that I had to show him the best version of myself, because unfortunately, that was really kind of like the way my relationship with my dad was. I really looked at him as like an earthly dad, but he's so much bigger than that. And when I started becoming more desperate for him and bringing him into all those dark, scary cracks in my brain, that's when he was really able to start cleaning out all those sections of my life and was really faithful to lead me out of it. So, you know, obviously reading your Bible, obviously praying, spending time, spending time in your presence, but really the power comes from that quiet place with God, where you are just quiet before him and you're totally desperate for him, and you're saying, I am nothing and you are everything. And please just like like fresh water, seep into all the cracks of my soul and come clean me out. That's where true transformation begins in your walk with God, is in that secret, quiet place with him where you are fully surrendered and you're desperate for him. That's where he can start to do his best work.
SPEAKER_01Let's quickly talk about your music. You know, I personally think that you have one of the most beautiful voices ever. Can we expect any new projects from you soon?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I'm so excited. I started praying that God would give me a song about everything I'm talking about, about how in the darkest moments of our life he's actually doing his best work. And that's where he turns it all around and just walking through the fire with him and how we are not alone in the fire, but he's right there with us and he's gonna use it. He's gonna use all the horrible things that we go through for his glory. So he gave me a beautiful song about that. I actually just finished it last week and I'm working with a composer on it, and I'm gonna be getting back into the studio in the next couple of months to record and release it. So you definitely can expect um some music on Spotify that is going to be coming out of this dark season of life and just um the miracles that he's done. Um, my website is Halliday.com, and my vision and my ministry is just to go out to churches, events, schools, wherever anybody would have me, and just talk about what God has done in my life and lead worship and sing and share my music and just worship with people.
SPEAKER_01If you're struggling with addiction, we encourage you to reach out to someone. The National Substance Abuse Hotline is 866-210-1303. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration number is 1-800-662-4357. If you need help with suicide prevention, you can call or text 988 or chat online at 988Lifeline.org. There's also someone waiting to chat with you from the organization death to life.com. That's death number two life.com. Text D2L, that's D number two L to 91627. Until next week, stay blessed in him.